i permit you to call me
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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