Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
