I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
