If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
