my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
