Don't make out with my wife yet
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
