Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Floor bacon is actually really good
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
