How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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