My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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