You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize