He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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