is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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