i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
