Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
