smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
