Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
