Just fell off a train. Bad.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
