20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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