When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
