Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
