the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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