You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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