make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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