i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
