I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
