If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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