Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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