My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
