Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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