Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
