My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
