Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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