how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
