I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
