Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
