He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
