I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
