hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
