"it" just moved
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
