This is not my ceiling
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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