My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just had sex bonerless
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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