She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
