We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
