Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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