No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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