Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
