He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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