I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
