Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
God gave him joint rollers for hands
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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