Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
