They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
