So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
