I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
