Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
