And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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