Plan B is the new Plan A
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
