I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
