you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize