i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
