I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
