Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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