1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
