found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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