you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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