I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
