I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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