also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
