OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
